Categories
Additional Needs and Disabilities Autism Neurodiversity Personal Story Safety Self-Care

My Meltdowns and Shutdowns

Definitions

Meltdown – a response to an overwhelming situation that includes signs of distress.

Shutdown – where a person may withdraw from the people and environment around them. They may need their own space and time to process.

My Meltdowns

I don’t like meltdowns because when I used to have really big, long and bad meltdowns I used to say a lot of mean things, tell lies, say horrible things to others and myself.

Meltdowns make me look like I am refusing to do something or am reluctant to do something when I’m not – I’m in a meltdown.

I used to run off and hide, but I don’t do that anymore unless it is for a fun activity where people aren’t going to get worried. I used to also climb up trees and bushes to hide from people when I was having a meltdown, or hide underneath something, but I don’t do this anymore. I now cover my face with my hands, people understand I’m not hiding to be rude, I just need some alone time.

I don’t like to make people worried.

I like to walk, jog or run-in safe areas when I am having a meltdown to feel safe – I still do this.

Recently I have been having less meltdowns than I used to, which are also smaller than they used to be. I have been having a lot of shutdowns recently.

My Shutdowns

I have had a lot of shutdowns in the evenings since I finished college for summer holidays. In the last 7 weeks I have had a shutdown almost everyday.

During the summer holidays I have been going to a lot of clubs, and I have been having a lot of 10 to 40 minutes shutdowns at the clubs that I have been attending in the mornings and the afternoons. Sometimes I feel sorry for the staff who try to help me, but I also worry that they may call someone over and make it an incident.

A lot of people ask me if I am okay when I am having a shutdown, but I am not always able to answer, especially when I am really anxious. There have been a lot of transitions lately that are really busy and loud, which have not helped my anxiety. Some mornings I am too anxious to go into clubs and the staff I have good relationships with have to help me enter the site.

Some days I cry a lot when I am really anxious. People might worry because I might not seem like myself and then ask me a lot of questions at once about how I am and how I have been. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to talk about these things; sometimes I’m not ready to talk about it. When this happens, they might get into my personal space. I worry if people who don’t get tested regularly for Covid-19, get into my personal space.

Sometimes the behaviours of other children and young people at clubs and activities can cause me to be really anxious. Especially bad or violent behaviour.

When I am tired, I find things harder to do and possibly more overwhelming. This can make me cry and I don’t always immediately know what it is that has led to the problem.

How I manage overwhelming situations

Some of the ways I notice that I am becoming overwhelmed is when:

  • There are loud noises
  • There is a difficult situation
  • I see someone breaking the law or doing something dangerous
  • I get too hot
  • I am stressed

Some of the ways I look after myself when I am overwhelmed:

  • Weighted blankets/jackets
  • Fidget toys and chew toys
  • Sitting with my dog, she puts her paws on my lap
  • Going for walk
  • Writing stories
Categories
Additional Needs and Disabilities Anxiety Autism Health Learning Difficulties Mental Health Neurodiversity Personal Story SEND Sensory Processing Disorder

My Anxiety, ASD, and Me

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety makes you more anxious and nervous. It is harder for you to talk about your feelings and emotions. Sometimes it is hard to talk about your thoughts and what you are thinking about.

When you’re anxious it is really hard to talk to people because you don’t know who to trust. With anxiety, I find it really hard to trust people.

Things that cause me anxiety

There are a lot of things that cause me anxiety. For example:

  • Meeting new people and seeing a new place.
  • Emergency services
    • Because hospitals and the emergency services are scary.
  • Emergency vehicles
    • For example, police, ambulance, fire engine, flashing lights.
  • Loud noises, alarms, vehicles, fireworks, thunder, heavy rain, wind, screaming and shouting.
  • Professionals knowing about my life and personal information and not knowing who will be told & who they may tell.
  • Changes.
    • Cancelling or changing appointments with little notice or no notice.
    • Changing schools.
      • Different primary and secondary school.
    • too many changes happening at once.
    • home schooling.
    • Moving to college and having to make new friends.
  • Negative things on social media.
  • The news.
    • particularly about covid.
  • Covid in general because you can’t see people and places.
  • The Dark.
    • I can’t see what is happening around me.
    • I can’t see what people are doing.
  • Fights and arguments because you don’t know what’s happening.
  • Small tight spaces: I feel stuck and scared.
  • People that are hurt or sad.
    • Sad knowing that my friends have anxiety and bad mental health.
    • My friends seeing me struggling.
  • Being adopted.
    • Not understanding the whole process.
    • Not meeting family members that I don’t know.
  • Scary times from the past: being threatened to be kidnapped as a kid.
  • Being touched
    • You don’t know if they’re going to hurt you or not.
  • Intrusive thoughts.
    • They can be hard to ignore.
  • Not understanding what my disabilities mean: Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Learning Difficulties, Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), Anxiety, Sensory Issues.
    • Because I have SPD it takes me more time to process and understand information.
    • My meltdowns and shut-downs.
    • Sometimes I am non-verbal.

Managing anxiety

There are many coping strategies you can use to help with anxiety. I prefer some strategies to others. Ones that I like are:

  • Hugs (: This is a big one!
    • Hugs are great because they’re very soothing and relaxing.
    • I like the feeling of touch; it calms me down quite quickly.
    • I mainly like hugs from White Lodge staff.
  • Fidget Toys. Ones that I like include:
    • Stretchy bands.
      • When you stretch the bands, they help to relieve frustration.
    • Chew toys.
      • They help relieve the anger inside my mouth.
  • Exercise.
    • Walking and yoga.
      • Walking is really calming, and yoga really soothes you and makes you want to go to sleep.
    • The fresh air makes you happy.
  • Talking to people who I trust.
    • For example, staff at White Lodge.
  • Soft toys.
    • They’re nice to cuddle.
  • Adrenaline rush.
    • For example, from a roller coaster!
  • Baths.
    • You can have a bath bomb and a candle in there, put some classical music on, it’s really nice!
    • Washing products that smell really nice also make you smell great and clean.
  • Colouring-in.
    • Colouring in between the lines makes you feel really relaxed.
  • Cooking.
    • Mixing ingredients, for example, is very calming.
  • Animals.
    • My dog really helps me! And my fish!
  • Make-up or face paint
    • I find putting these on a really nice sensory experience.
    • It is also very creative and a good way to express yourself.
  • Medication
    • I have a chewing gum with hemp in it that really helps me.
    • Lozenges and calming sweets can also be good.
  • Crying.
    • When I am in a shut-down, I find crying helps me feel better.
  • Going to a library.
    • It is quiet and peaceful. It is nice to go in.
    • Looking through the books, choosing one and then reading is a good way to distract yourself.
    • When I am in a bad mood, but not in a meltdown, I often ask to go to the library.

When you are anxious it can be hard to make decisions. So, it can also be difficult to use coping strategies when you are anxious because you don’t know which one to use and which one will help you the most. Sometimes when you are anxious you can also forget about the strategies!

Using coping strategies

I find it easier to use coping strategies when I have a meltdown when people tell me to use them. But when I have a shutdown, I find it difficult. When I need to use my coping strategies, I remember them by:

  • Using lists.
    • I have two: an outdoor and an indoor one.
  • My mum, or the people around me, remind me.

When I am having a shutdown I like it when people check-in with me and ask what they can do to help me. I find that helpful. It is helpful when people try and ask what is wrong. When I am having a shut-down I find people giving me hugs helpful, but please ask me permission before you do!

  • I would like it if the professionals that work me had a better understanding of shutdowns and what I need when it happens.

If emergency services have to work with me when I am anxious, having a meltdown or a shutdown, I would like them to:

  • Not talk over each other.
    • It’s hard to understand what they are all saying.
  • Not ask so many questions.
    • They try to rush you to answer.
  • To communicate using sign language (BSL/Makaton) or flash/single cards.
    • When I am in a shutdown I find it easier to use a different way of communicating.
  • Understand that they are not someone that I trust to share my personal feelings with.
    • I know that they are not all trained medical professionals, for example the police.
  • Use less force and be more gentle if they need to touch me.
    • Give me more warning if they need to touch me, for example use a countdown.
  • Not make threats to try and make me do things.