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Additional Needs and Disabilities Autism Neurodiversity Personal Story Safety Self-Care

My Meltdowns and Shutdowns

Definitions

Meltdown – a response to an overwhelming situation that includes signs of distress.

Shutdown – where a person may withdraw from the people and environment around them. They may need their own space and time to process.

My Meltdowns

I don’t like meltdowns because when I used to have really big, long and bad meltdowns I used to say a lot of mean things, tell lies, say horrible things to others and myself.

Meltdowns make me look like I am refusing to do something or am reluctant to do something when I’m not – I’m in a meltdown.

I used to run off and hide, but I don’t do that anymore unless it is for a fun activity where people aren’t going to get worried. I used to also climb up trees and bushes to hide from people when I was having a meltdown, or hide underneath something, but I don’t do this anymore. I now cover my face with my hands, people understand I’m not hiding to be rude, I just need some alone time.

I don’t like to make people worried.

I like to walk, jog or run-in safe areas when I am having a meltdown to feel safe – I still do this.

Recently I have been having less meltdowns than I used to, which are also smaller than they used to be. I have been having a lot of shutdowns recently.

My Shutdowns

I have had a lot of shutdowns in the evenings since I finished college for summer holidays. In the last 7 weeks I have had a shutdown almost everyday.

During the summer holidays I have been going to a lot of clubs, and I have been having a lot of 10 to 40 minutes shutdowns at the clubs that I have been attending in the mornings and the afternoons. Sometimes I feel sorry for the staff who try to help me, but I also worry that they may call someone over and make it an incident.

A lot of people ask me if I am okay when I am having a shutdown, but I am not always able to answer, especially when I am really anxious. There have been a lot of transitions lately that are really busy and loud, which have not helped my anxiety. Some mornings I am too anxious to go into clubs and the staff I have good relationships with have to help me enter the site.

Some days I cry a lot when I am really anxious. People might worry because I might not seem like myself and then ask me a lot of questions at once about how I am and how I have been. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to talk about these things; sometimes I’m not ready to talk about it. When this happens, they might get into my personal space. I worry if people who don’t get tested regularly for Covid-19, get into my personal space.

Sometimes the behaviours of other children and young people at clubs and activities can cause me to be really anxious. Especially bad or violent behaviour.

When I am tired, I find things harder to do and possibly more overwhelming. This can make me cry and I don’t always immediately know what it is that has led to the problem.

How I manage overwhelming situations

Some of the ways I notice that I am becoming overwhelmed is when:

  • There are loud noises
  • There is a difficult situation
  • I see someone breaking the law or doing something dangerous
  • I get too hot
  • I am stressed

Some of the ways I look after myself when I am overwhelmed:

  • Weighted blankets/jackets
  • Fidget toys and chew toys
  • Sitting with my dog, she puts her paws on my lap
  • Going for walk
  • Writing stories